Today i found out that i am single once more... its an odd feeling, we have only being going out a month or so but i have known her for about two years... we are good friends and i was so pleased when we first started seeing each other as i never imagined she would like me like that!
At first things where excellent and we were moving forward very well, but then things started to happen in her life that rocked her, a lot... so much so that i dont think she is quite over them even now. Firstly i think the distance between us doesn't help as i cant be there physically to help, which is why i keep wishing i could drive already! I think My Cutie needs time to herself to focus on her and her life, i know she cant give me 100% at the minute but i still cant help feel a little sad to lose her in the way i had her!
I have been strong up to now but right now i cant honestly tell you how i feel... i feel kind of lost, empty, sad, and a bit gutted i won't be able to do the things with My Cutie that i could say a few weeks ago.
Still... I have nothing bad to say about My Cutie.
Shes such a loving person, doesn't hurt either that she is absolutley gorgeous! She looks after herself well, she has a very pretty face and i oft can't help but get lost looking at her! She has a lovely set of "features" too, especially her tush :-) but the most attractive thing about her is her personality!
She loves and actually cares about me, something which i haven't truly felt before... i know when she said things to me that she meant them. She has always been honest with me too which i appreciated. I can also say with confidence that i love her more than anyone else before, maybe i let my feelings go to far and maybe i should have stopped myself, but to be honest, I'm very much a heart on my sleeve kinda guy and if i feel it, i go with it. I know My Cutie regrets going too far, too soon as she isn't ready after coming out of a 4 year relationship and then into this with me 12 months later.
Right Girl, Wrong Time!
I say wrong time as she isn't ready to get involved with someone, or with me at least, but i know i could easily spend the rest of my life with her and when we where together i know she felt the same. I think she might just be scared, well i know that she is as she has told me, but i think she might be more scared of the unknown than she realises!
I know i am scared of the unknown, but if you don't try new things, you never move forward! Hence why i finally "got some balls" and decided to stop being a big scaredy cat and actually move out of my comfort zone by moving jobs, applying for passport/driving license etc and to be honest i think My Cutie had a lot to do with that, she definitely inspired me to move on, i didnt go to Uni because i bottled it, then i see what My Cutie has done and the potential she has begun to fulfil and i felt inspired to fulfil my own expectations and potential.
I love you Cutie and i wish we could be more than friends but it would seem that it isn't yet meant to be!
Rant Over :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment